Yesterday I made my last visit to elementary school for the year. This week's school was the closest of the four I visit so I can take my normal bus and it drops me relatively close to the school. Actually, 3 students from that school ride the same bus with me during the morning, so when I get to visit their school I also get the chance to walk with them to school from the bus stop.
Yesterday, the youngest of the three (a second grader 7 years old) started asking me about what certain words were in English. He started out with the normal stuff (foods, animals, etc.) but quickly moved into the territory of bodily functions. None of his questions were bad words, so in hopes to continue to foster interest in the English language among the youth of Japan I taught him how to say burp, pee, and poop. Then he asked about fart. and actually having to fart at the time I knew this was one of those moments where the timing is so perfect you've have no other choice, you've just gotta do it. Young boys, hell even grown men enjoy toilet humor, and nothing gets a group of young boys laughing like a majestic fart. I knew this the perfect chance. I told him first what the word was then held my hand up motioning for silence and proceeded to rip one. It was a pretty beastly one at that too if I do say so myself. Nice and deep with a classic fart ripple effect that carried for a couple of seconds. Being the young boys they are they ate it up and died laughing.
After a couple more minutes of walking we ran into one of their friends who joined us for the rest of the trip. The young kid who was questioning me started to tell his friend about all the new English words he had just learned, and of course eventually he came to fart. I must be blessed by the gods, because just as this boy was telling his friend how I taught him the word and then actually farted, I felt another one coming and held my hand up again asking for silence and blasted another one. Naturally, once again they all died laughing.
Then it hit me, this one kid is pretty talkative and before the day is over it's quite possible that everyone in the school will have heard of my farting exploits, which although interesting, is not the image I want to convey, especially if these kids decide then to go and tell their parents about what the English teacher is teaching their kids.
Luckily, I was yet again blessed by the gods and the kid asked me how I managed to fart with such perfect timing on two consecutive occasions. Without any hesitation I puffed out my coat pocket and told him I had actually had a whoopee cushion in my pocket. Having the whoopee cushion also explained why the first fart was more powerful than the second, since I had no chance to blow the cushion back up. Since he's seven he bought the story hook, line, and sinker, no questions asked leaving T-Mac to walk away scot-free with his image as the good English teacher intact.
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